LOVE SPONGE!

Rough day, I really beat myself up last night. It's worth it, or so I keep telling myself.

It seems that the key to getting your mind off of something(for me anyway) is to just exhaust yourself mentally and then physically. This way, there is no time to give a shit about how I'm really feeling, I'm too drained to give a rat's ass at that point.

By the time I am home and done doing all the stuff that encompasses my day, it's already 10pm. And even when I am home, I still have to make dinner. I need a cook. This is 4 days out of the week, so it's good to be able to not have to deal with any thoughts that might would otherwise be racing through my head. If I didn't start going back to the gym with such intensity, things would be alot worse than they are now.

I love the gym culture. No matter where yours may be, they all have the same characteristics: The ex h.s/college football players who are even chubbier than they were in their prime, most have an asshole attitude and usually workout with a partner and make references to "Remember that solo tackle I made in 1995 in the state playoffs?" or the likes....The old guy who likes to read the paper in between his 30 sets on the leg extension machine.....the fat guy who is super strong and does nothing but bench press.....the cardio queens who think that if they run for just 20 more minutes, the hail damage will disappear and they will be good enough to find their early-to-mid 30s stud with the big bank account(they wonder why their legs keep getting bigger though......hmm).....the really skinny guy who just doesn't seem to ever grow(until he finds some chemical assistance from the next guy--->).....the very muscular guy with all kinds of silly tatoos who tries hitting on the hot receptionist....ALL the people that spend 45 minutes doing the most pointless workout for their body(abs....c'mon now, you don't even really need to do them....you need to diet!).....and of course, there is the old guy in the locker room........if you are a guy, chances are you have seen him or one of his relatives. He doesn't ever workout, but rather he likes to sit there all day with his old balls and loose skin on display for the world to see....hey old man, go home already!

I don't know where I fall into this whole thing; maybe I'm a mixture of all of them, but I know that I'm way to focused to ever really acknowledge anyone or anything for the short time I am there. Throw on the iPod and drown out the world and focus on change, focus on improvement. It really isn't that hard, you just have to know what you are trying to accomplish. There is such a high I get when I walk out of there, nothing could bring me down for the rest of the night. Maybe that is what's keeping me going right now, because with all of the bullshit and deceit I have been subjected to lately, not even that can take me off this high.

I have to admit, once in a blue moon will I see someone that seems to be on the same page as me when I'm there. It happened last night, and it was a female. She was pushing weights and she knew what she was doing, and she was in great shape. Small waist and hips, muscular legs but not gross looking, good vasularity, very feminine, tan but not super tan, strong, gorgeous.......sexy.

If I didn't feel like such a failure in the relationships/understanding/trusting women department, I probably would have made an attempt. But then again, who likes to get hit on at the gym anyway?